There is a saying that healthy families are alike, but unhappy ones are each unhappy in their own unique way. I’m not certain that this is strictly accurate. Still, there are certain attributes of relationships that tend to mark them as healthy or unhealthy.
Healthy intimacy is a dance that honors and enjoys our partner while not losing our sense of individuality. Time and activity with our partner must be balanced by activities we do by ourselves or with people other than our partner. There are gender patterns that seem to emerge in relationships: men tend to be good at maintaining individuality (perhaps at the expense of deeper intimacy) while women tend to value connection with the other (sometimes at a cost to their sense of individuality).
An ability to put the partner’s needs on a par with our own is something healthy relationships have in common. This rarely means splitting decisions right down the middle; it’s more likely that I give you what you want sometimes while I get more of what I desire on another occasion. We don’t keep score, but we have a rough sense of balance that works for us. When things get out of balance, we talk about it.
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