"A really long relationship with a really wrong person." - Michael
This is a my personal life for almost 18 years and my continuing series of 1000 Reasons To Leave Him. The trick is to find out before it’s too late and not to close your eyes because you are blinded by how much you love him. Don’t let him use you, take advantage of you, or isolate you. Don't let him manipulate you into staying. Don't let him wear you down so that your self-worth becomes so low you feel like you have no choices. And don’t remain silent because you’re afraid.
1000 Reasons To Leave Him - Continued:
36. When he takes all of his jewelry and valuables to the office so he can hide them from me. Later I learned he was worried that I might find out what he was doing with other guys and the extent of his lies, so he was afraid I might take something. { A rather stupid idea of his, since I bought most of his jewelry for him and taking a piece of jewelry would be the last thought I would have. }
37. When he tells you he doesn't like to be touched while having sex.
38. When after you are together for over three years and you become concerned about frequent strange gestures he makes when he thinks you're not looking. You see these quirky movements that include him taking both hands and doing a finger dance on his head while making strange facial expressions. You are also aware that after three years, we still have no friends. You become so concerned about his odd behavior, you call two experts for suggestions and help. You are told that most likely he has a very specific disorder that is not treatable and could worsen in the future. You make a life decision, and decide that you love him so unconditionally that you are willing to take care of him no matter what. Knowing there is nothing that be done, you keep the information quiet as not to cause embarrassment or grief for him, his family, or his career. As the years go on you do your best to protect him and his health, and you become acutely aware of another symptom of this disorder, his lack of empathy and compassion for others. You realize that he is unable to maintain close relationships with other people beyond casual or sexual, and later learn that he has never had a close or best friend his entire life. Then after 15 years of being together he tells you that you are not, nor have you ever been his best friend. After nearly 18 years, you find out that he spent the last ten years deceiving you, lying and cheating, has no remorse, and another new boyfriend. He then hires an attorney to throw me out on the street for his newest boyfriend. Even after I was thrown out, I still chose not to reveal any of this information. Now, I've changed my mind.
39. When the extent of his dinner conversation is limited to guessing the puzzle on the "Wheel of Fortune".
40. When he takes an extra set of clothes with him to go out for the day.
( To be continued, 965 more to go, and click here for the first 35 )
Today's Advice: Look On The Bright Side! - "I finally have my life back since I'm no longer with him."
Finding out all the nasty details during the last months before it was over, learning the specific names of people, the places, what they did, and much more, was extremely overwhelming. The seriousness of his lies and deception, and the lengths that he and some of his boyfriends were willing to go, to destroy my life and to destroy other families, makes you wonder – who was this person I lived with?
You’ll find that many of my 1000 reasons are written with some sarcastic humor and some are so unbelievable that not an ounce of humor could be attached. However, they’re all based on real life, a really long relationship with a really wrong person. Trying to understand what happened may not be easy, and the recovery from a long, abusive, deceptive relationship is a difficult journey.
Putting your thoughts in print is empowering. So, read them, talk about them, or laugh or cry about them. Share them with someone you know that could possibly use them. But, I think you’ll agree, they should never happen again, not to me, not to you, and especially not to anyone that you profess to truly love.
I am a new reader, well 2 or 3 months new, and I have to say that you blog gives me strength to carry on. Every time I read a section of 1000 reasons my heart hurts for you. To think that one who you shared everything could just throw you away like that and after 18 years...
It worries me I mean 18 years is almost my life. I am in a 3 year relationship now and I feel that if he leaves me then I would be lost, and its only 3 years (3 on june 20). I really can't imagine 18 years, and to leave I would not know how to carry on.
But here you are surviving and doing well too. Good for you. You are teaching me to be strong if I end up alone. (I love your pics too). Its the thing that gets me through a long day.
Posted by: Chris | June 02, 2008 at 10:33 AM