I've received over 1500 emails from guys who are or have been in an abusive gay relationship. Emails thanking me for bringing this issue front and center, thanking me for kind words, advice, hope and resources. This column is dedicated to the guys out there, the abused partner in a verbally or physically abusive gay relationship. One third of all gay relationships are abusive, yes one third!
"Packaging up a previous nightmare to make room for the rest of your life wasn't’t easy. "Sometimes things need to be said, and they need to be said, because you’re finally ready to say them! This is a continuing series about: "A really long relationship with a really wrong person." - Michael
96. When you have a sick dying dog at home who needs to be fed, we need to get home, but he feels seeing a Holiday Light Show is more important.
97. When he tells the boyfriends he's in his 30's and you finally have the opportunity to have one tell you on the phone that he's a liar.
98. When you don't want to embarrass him, you do the laundry, you know he has a problem, even at 45 years old, a problem throughout your relationship, a problem since he was a kid, but you don't want to embarrass him no matter how many times he's mean, nasty or abusive. He has a problem, he takes a shower everyday but at 45 years old he still can't wipe his ass. Guess what, after throwing me out on the street, I don't care if he's embarrassed, and best of all, he's finally doing his own crappy laundry!
99. He signs a contract that lists all the things he promises to do and change, and he breaks every promise in less than twenty four hours.
100. When you find out that it wasn't that he stopped loving you, it was that he never knew how.
Todays Advice: "One Act Of Violence Doesn't Equal 100 Acts of Kindness!" - Simply said, easy to remember and why you need to get out.
I promised myself to let the process move at it’s own speed. When I was ready, I would ship off the old crap from the relationship nightmare that my ex created for me over 18 years. I also realized part of what I needed was to make sure every person along the original route would finally know the truth whether it was via this blog, or other means. Unlike my past eighteen years with him, this would no longer be his continuous abusive surprise package. The truth has been recently packaged on my terms because I was finally ready for everyone to know." - Michael
This is a my personal life for almost 18 years and my continuing series of 1000 Reasons To Leave Him. The trick is to find out before it’s too late and not to close your eyes because you are blinded by how much you love him. Don’t let him use you, take advantage of you, or isolate you. Don't let him manipulate you into staying. Don't let him wear you down so that your self-worth becomes so low you feel like you have no choices. And don’t remain silent because you’re afraid. <
You’ll find that some of my 1000 reasons are written with some sarcastic humor and most are so unbelievable that not an ounce of humor could be attached. However, they’re all based on real life, a really long relationship with a really wrong person. Trying to understand what happened may not be easy, and the recovery from a long, abusive, deceptive relationship is a difficult journey. BUT, TODAY I CAN SEE BETTER!
Putting your thoughts in print is empowering. So, read them, talk about them, or laugh or cry about them. Share them with someone you know that could possibly use them. But, I think you’ll agree, they should never happen again, not to me, not to you, and especially not to anyone that you profess to truly love.
Wow! Reason #100 hit me like freight train. I've been there, so I know how it feels. So, I keep searching for the man who DOES know how to love.
Posted by: Jay | August 06, 2008 at 08:35 PM