"Packaging up a previous nightmare to make room for the rest of your life wasn't easy. "Sometimes things need to be said, and they need to be said, because you’re finally ready to say them! This is a continuing series about: "A really long relationship with a really wrong person." - Michael
I've received over 1500 emails from guys who are or have been in an abusive gay relationship. Emails thanking me for bringing this issue front and center, thanking me for kind words, advice, hope and resources. This column is dedicated to the guys out there, the abused partner in a verbally or physically abusive gay relationship. One third of all gay relationships are abusive, yes one third!
101. When he comes home drunk after one of his "social engagements".
102. When he plays with himself more than he plays with you.
103. When he wears your clothes to go out with other guys.
104. When he pushes you down against a metal chair and you tear a ligament in your knee, you end up losing 20% of your hearing in the ear that was smashed against the metal, and you end up with back and blue marks all over your arms, legs, and face. Your knee is bandaged for a month while you have to use a cane. The doctor takes photos of all the injuries and says if I don't call the police, that next time it happens, his office will.
105. When his lame apology four days later is a dozen roses that die the next day.
TODAY'S ADVICE: If you are offered a book deal - take it!
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT NEXT WEEK! BIG!
I promised myself to let the process move at it’s own speed. When I was ready, I would ship off the old crap from the relationship nightmare that my ex created for me over 18 years. I also realized part of what I needed was to make sure every person along the original route would finally know the truth whether it was via this blog, or other means. Unlike my past eighteen years with him, this would no longer be his continuous abusive surprise package. The truth has been recently packaged on my terms because I was finally ready for everyone to know." - Michael
This is a my personal life for almost 18 years and my continuing series of 1000 Reasons To Leave Him. The trick is to find out before it’s too late and not to close your eyes because you are blinded by how much you love him. Don’t let him use you, take advantage of you, or isolate you. Don't let him manipulate you into staying. Don't let him wear you down so that your self-worth becomes so low you feel like you have no choices. And don’t remain silent because you’re afraid.
You’ll find that some of my 1000 reasons are written with some sarcastic humor and most are so unbelievable that not an ounce of humor could be attached. However, they’re all based on real life, a really long relationship with a really wrong person. Trying to understand what happened may not be easy, and the recovery from a long, abusive, deceptive relationship is a difficult journey. BUT, TODAY I CAN SEE BETTER!
Putting your thoughts in print is empowering. So, read them, talk about them, or laugh or cry about them. Share them with someone you know that could possibly use them. But, I think you’ll agree, they should never happen again, not to me, not to you, and especially not to anyone that you profess to truly love.
Good grief! what a monster! What did you find in him???
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The person I though I was deeply in love with was a fake. It was the biggest mistake of my life, I actually believed in love at first sight, I loved him over the years unconditionally, I took care of him for almost 18 years, I didn't know that he was leading a separate life until the end, no matter how mean, nasty or abusive he was, I kept telling myself it will be better tomorrow, he would constantly tell me that it is forever while he would turn around and become a monster.
He took the best thing that will ever happen in is life and threw me out on the street. We was a liar, an abuser, deceptive, a cheater, a thief, and in the end a coward who had an attorney dump me. He couldn't even say good-bye.
We are human, we love, we learn. None of that applies to him, he is incapable of all three.
A4 / Michael
Posted by: Angelo Ventura | August 13, 2008 at 05:29 AM
The first time he laid a hand on me would have been the last time he did anything...including breathe.
Posted by: Randy | August 14, 2008 at 03:56 AM
i am so glad that you have gotten yourself out of that relationship. now as i am reading about how you and steven are so in love it brings tears to my eyes. It gives me hope for Love. I hope and pray that everything works amazingly well for you both. Your blogs adds that glimmer to my eye every day. Did you explain about the rabbits yet. Good night and look forward to the next entry.
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Thank you so much chris, never give up hope, just keep you heart open, and let destiny follow it's path.
Michael
Posted by: chris | September 03, 2008 at 09:57 PM