How To Increase Your Odds of Finding True Love
1. Be the best person you can be. Live your life to the fullest with no expectations of a relationship. You may be trying too hard at finding love and that can be sabotaging. Lead an active and fulfilling lifestyle with purpose, meaning, and passion, and like-minded people will be attracted and drawn to your energy. Build your support system too and keep dreaming big! Throw yourself into personal growth and boost your self-esteem and confidence and eliminate any fears you may have.
2. Know yourself completely and develop your vision. This is the most important step! Be very clear about who you are, what you want, and how you’ll get it. Do this not only for your individual life, but also create a relationship and life partner vision. What are your needs, wants, values, and requirements for both? What’s negotiable and what’s non-negotiable? Be very specific.
3. When you begin dating, use this vision as your guide. Collect information and experiences from the men you date to gain a solid knowledge of who they are and make sure they’re in alignment with your vision. At the first sight of a non-negotiable trait they possess, disengage to avoid getting more invested and keep searching. A lot of people ignore these signs and then they get in too deep. Avoid this trap!
4. Explore your past relationships with men. Do you see any patterns in the types of men you’re attracted to or the type of relationships you’ve had? Are you continually getting involved with emotionally unavailable men? Are you projecting your own issues onto these men? Are you really ready for a relationship as much as you may want it? Do you have any unfinished business from a prior relationship that prevents you from being able to grieve it and let it go? These are all things to consider as you do your self-analysis.
5. Identify your relationship beliefs. These pre-conceived notions and thoughts may be holding you back and sabotaging your efforts. Some examples of self-defeating thoughts might include: “All the good ones are taken”; “Gay relationships don’t last”; “I failed at relationships before, so I will again”; “Gay men can’t commit. I’ll be alone forever”, etc. Work at creating new beliefs to dispute these and gather evidence to prove these negative ones wrong.
So in a nutshell, work aggressively at the above points and you’ll be at a good starting point. Other things to consider might be to live your life to the max and a relationship will happen when you’re not pressuring yourself so much because you’re happy and living with purpose. Become really attractive “on the inside” and you will attract similar people (The Law of Attraction).
Be visible, take risks and stretch out of your comfort zone, develop skills to boost your confidence and cope with feelings of loneliness, develop solid boundaries, and always stay true to your vision no matter what. Good luck with your quest! One good catch deserves another!
© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com