It’s time to take a thorough inventory of your life and determine your strengths and weaknesses that both help and hinder your cause. You will want to capitalize on your personal assets and view your weak areas as “growth spots” to develop goals for self-improvement. And then do what you need to do to overcome any barriers or obstacles that interfere with your having a great quality-of-life. Conduct an overview of all the different parts of your life and assess how you feel you’re doing in each of the following areas:
- Physical health and appearance
- Emotional well-being
- Relationships with family
- Friendships and support system
- Household environment and living arrangements
- Sex Life
- Comfort with being gay and level of “outness”
- Comfort with masculinity and gender identity
- Financial situation
- Access to resources
- Social and dating skills
You will also want to identify such additional things as “unfinished business” from the past, mental health issues, losses that have yet to be fully grieved, addictions of any kind (alcohol/drugs, gambling, sex, food, Internet, exercise, work, etc.), and any stressors in your life. These things can distract and prevent you from fully becoming engaged in your life and achieving true personal growth. A personality tinged with a “bad attitude”, a hardened demeanor, and a dampened spirit can also sour one’s success with life and love.
Another technique you can do to bring out more self-awareness of your strengths and “growth areas” is to make a list of all the qualities you are looking for in a life partner. Once you’ve completed this, go back over the list and compare the items you’ve identified against yourself. Are you the things on this list? If not, you’ve just identified some more goals to work toward in becoming Mr. Right.
Tips For Being All You Can Be
Once you created a list of the areas that you’d like to focus on, create specific, concrete, and measurable goals that you can then put into an action plan. This will give you a good structure to work from, as well as a good accountability measure.
Identify any blocks to success. For example, if you don’t possess some of the qualities that you ascribe to your ideal Mr. Right, why is that? What holds you back? Hire the services of a trained therapist or life coach who can help you more quickly overcome these hurdles.
Get out of your own way! Fear and negative self-talk are usually the two big culprits that stand in the way of our dreams and goals. Build the courage and resilience necessary to take safe and calculated risks that will steer you on the path toward your goals. Challenge the negative “whispers” of your inner critic and replace them with more affirming self-statements that are in alignment with your vision.
A man with a strong sense of self, positive self-esteem, good social graces and manners, healthy assertiveness, and a solid value system, not to mention who has integrity, honesty, and who is passionate about life and lives it with meaning is very sexy indeed!
By taking the focus off your perceived lack of success in the dating world and putting it more squarely on building your own personal reserves, you will become more fulfilled in your life and this has a way of projecting a more positive “aura”, making you even more attractive inside and out.
It’s all about attitude and taking proactive steps toward growing and becoming the type of man you can feel good about. Lots of benefits can come from this, including but not limited to a boyfriend.
So make yourself absolutely fabulous..and remember, one “good catch” deserves another! Cheers to your success!
© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com