GAYTWOGETHER

Michael's Diary - Christmas With His Family

There were times especially as Christmas got closer that I'd be nervous thinking about it, first impression anxiety, concerned about how they would feel about me. I had never spoken with his dad or brother, would they like me? Steven squashed all my last minute worries in the same way he always knows how, just the right words and comfort, one more reason why I love him so much.

The drive was about three hours. We arrived early afternoon on Christmas Eve day. His mom was waiting at the front door as we drove into the driveway. She was already walking to the car and as we got out she immediately embraced her son. I walked around the front of the car to say hello.

His mom turned to me, "Michael, I'm so glad you're here with us for Christmas." and then she hugged and kissed me. With a very warm mom smile, she said, “it's going to be a beautiful holiday". Steven grabbed our suitcase, and with her arm around me, his mom and I walked into the house together.

Our first Christmas together and after all these years with someone who loves me as much as I love him. Going to take a needed break from writing and spend as much time as possible with Steven. Thank you for readership, and I promise I'll be back to my online diary soon.

Michael

First Things First: ---- Michael's Diary ---- 2008 Was Great! --- 2009 Is Going To Be Even Better!

I've been celebrating. Why? Because he's back. His passion for life is so remarkable. He's got terrific friends, loves to go out or just spend a quiet evening at home. He loves his work, volunteers his time and loves to travel. He’s so cute, I mean cute, tall, thin, blonde, and what a great smile.

His smile, it's amazing, he wakes up each day smiling and goes to sleep each night thoughtful, thankful, and looking forward to tomorrow. He's intelligent, classy and has a great sense of humor. He's compassionate, lovable, honest, sexy, funny, romantic, and so much more. And the best part, he's me!

Who would have thought a year ago this could be possible? Guess what, it was, and I've got my life back. In 2008 I became wonderful; in 2009 I'll be fantastic. I've found myself again, plus a whole lot more. And if you haven't gathered it by now, I love it, and so does everyone else in my life. I'm here to stay. Get ready 2009; we're going to be great friends.

Michael

( Next: The love of my life and how we spent the Holidays -  together with Steven's family )

Celebrating The Best Year Of My Life!

 

I Have Just Had The Best Year Of My Life.
This Is A Perfect Time To Celebrate
My Life, My Passion, And My Love.
I'll Be back Soon With All The Details.

First Things First: -- Michael's Diary -- Sealed Forever

Day three at my house, "something handwritten". 

Trying to write about this day is when I became immobilized.  I'm not a great writer, I write from my heart, I try to write about my life, my passions, love, and the most important person in the world to me. 

I can intellectualize with the best of them, but it's not what these diary posts are about. The intellectual stuff is what I save for other posts and where you usually hear my opinions loud and clear.

Writing from the heart?  There are limits, our privacy.  There are days when I want to shout out and celebrate to anyone listening.  So what does this writer do who speaks from his heart?  He moves carefully as not to compromise our relationship, or our lives.  This past week I got stuck, stuck on "day three - something handwritten". 

I tried writing about that night.  It was a night of exchanging love letters, intimate thoughts, words of passion, and promises of a love affair to last forever. But there's nothing I could possibly write that could come close to what happened between us that evening. 

The moments of silence as we read each other's letters, his face, eyes filled with tears.  It was so much more than just being in love. That evening we met each other once again, but it was in a whole new place, somewhere we've never been before.

That night our relationship was time capsuled and sealed forever.  Love was no longer limited to the heart and soul.  And even as I'm writing this this post I can feel him throughout me. Steven says that when he's alone he can close his eyes and feel as though I'm right next to him.

If you were to ask me right now what love feels like, I'd give you my hand and ask you to hold it; because I want you to know, even if it's just for a moment.

Michael 

First Things First: ---- Michael's Diary ---- Under The Table Cloth?

Day Two - My  House: We decided to plan the Holidays today.  Steven's immediate family was small, parents and one younger brother. He asked me how I felt about meeting his parents and spending the Holidays together. His mom and dad already knew about me from conversations, an invitation was extended for both of us to to spend Christmas. Steven made it clear a month ago that he wanted to spend the Holiday Season with me, he wasn't going home unless I was there with him.. The gay issue wasn't an issue, his parents and brother were comfortable and supportive for years. We agreed, his parents house the Holidays.

We went out for dinner late to a favorite neighborhood spot. The restaurant is small and intimate, tables are far enough apart to afford conversation privacy. We have a favorite table, actually it's a half circle booth near the back wall  Fresh hot bread on the table, a lit candle, but the best part is the long white-table cloths, great for more privacy. There's lots of under the table stories to talk about, but tonight it was just holding hands, at least for most of the time. Why do the gay waiters always seem to know what's going on under the table or least make you think they do?

Day Two was "Something to Wear".  I spent money on this one, knowing I had to keep under twenty dollars, I knew exactly what I wanted get him. I  found it at Macy's on sale, the best part was I was able to buy wo.  Steven open my box first, two pairs of red silk boxer shorts. He loved them, "Two pairs?", I picked up a pair, "you never know when you're going to have company".

My turn, Steven gave me a new white lab coat from his office. He let me know they were bought last year, no money spent, except.  "Except what?" 

"Look by the top pocket Michael". If tonight was a contest he won three times over.  Above the pocket was his embroidered name, Dr. Steven ********, and under his name "Loves MJS" was added. "Oh My God, I really love this".

Steven smiled "put it on Sweetie, I know how much you love playing doctor". 

I threw the silk boxers at him, "Not as much as I like playing with the doctor". 

Michael

(Next Day Three, Four And Five)

First Things First: ---- Michael's Daily Diary ---- Something That Feels Good

Steven and I just spent ten great days together. We were staying in town this time and I planned a love game, a small surprise with a different criteria each day.  If money had to be spent, it could be no more than twenty dollars per item.  Day One was at my house, surprises were to be "Something That Feels Good". 

This one was easy for me, and the topic left plenty of room for some real fun, my short list included only one thing that cost money, the rest were, well I'll kinda leave that up to your imagination.  I knew I could definitely give Steven something that would make him feel good. Okay there's no need to go down this road, you already know what I'm not going to type here in this post.

It was a day of winding down from a long hectic week for both of us. We slept in, and spent the day relaxing.  We decided on the evening for day one's surprise.  Steven went first, a box of Verbena foaming bath for me, and a note part of which included  "your favorite scent for my favorite scent".

My turn, I gave him a bottle of massage oil, with a coupon for "one personal body massage by a cute blonde guy". I know what you're thinking, our mind set was pretty much in the same place the first day, but what did you expect? It was a great way to start our ten days.

If you're going to take a bubble bath, for me there's some definite must haves, lights off, candles, soft jazz, and both of us. I've got a large whirlpool bathtub, so for a real foaming bath, just turn on the water jets for a minute. If you're going to get my kind of body massage, the best  way to enjoy it - more candles, music, silky oil, a cool room and warm hands.

We decided on the bath together first and then the massage, I mean massages. I think we finally fell asleep about five in the morning.  Did I ever tell you that Steven has great hands, and they're warm too.

Michael

(Next: Day Two)

First Things First: --- Michael's Diary --- A Love Game: 2 Guys, 10 Days, 20 Surprises

Steven and I just spent ten phenomenal days together. We had talked about going away, but our time out of town would have only be four or five days at the most. More time together in town was the obvious decision. The kid in me was already thinking about something fun to do just a few few moments each day for each other.   I mean besides what you're already thinking, and for the record, it’s a lot more than a few moments for us. Just a few moments would have been my ex, actually, very few moments.

So I planned a love game. Steven loves that kid in me, sometimes the kid is naughty, but most of the time he’s very nice, after all, Santa Clause is coming next month. By the way, when I’m naughty, you won’t usually read about it here.

So how about a little 10 day love game? I came up with giving each other a small surprise each day. To make it more interesting, a different criteria each day, and the budget – under $20.00 per item.

Here’s the list:

Day One: Something that feels good.
Day Two: Something to wear
Day Three: Something handwritten
Day Four: Something to eat right now
Day Five : Something to listen to
Day Six: Something you would never give away
Day Seven: Something to read
Day Eight: Something to share
Day Nine: Something to use everyday
Day Ten: Something to keep forever

A week before the ten days twogether we were sitting in my living room. I asked Steven if he’d like to play a ten day love game, and handed him the list. He read a little and then looked at me, the third time he looked up, and he got up. He crumpled up the paper, came over and sat down on top of me. “Michael, how about this for your list", - "before day one, something you can hide". And he started stuffing the paper down the front of my jeans. I grabbed my list and tried to do the same to him; we were both off in silly world ending up on the floor. I was laying on my back with Steven sitting on top of me. My blue-eyed honey looked me at me, “Michael, you are absolutely incorrigible”. I smiled at him, “I know”. He was kissing my neck when he said, “do you mind if I take my list back now?”

He left the next morning with his crumpled list. We were going to have ten days together with no plans, except a game to celebrate our love.   I have never loved anyone in my life as much as I love Steven.  The first week we were twogether we already knew we couldn’t plan our destiny.  Fate had already planned it for us.

Michael

(next: Day One)

First Things First: ---- Michael's Daily Diary ---- Oreos, Naked, And More

The crowd is growing. Thanks to all the guys who emailed their happy moments they experienced this week. Lots of guys that are finding something new each day. Special moments that make them happy.  Let me share some of the moments with you. I'll bypass the descriptive bedroom scenes that you guys sent, but sex hot and happy is great too. Keep sending those emails and let me know if your moments are okay to publish.

Keep in mind, sometimes you just need do what makes you happy! You deserve it!

Happy Moments with permission from Readers:

• "Ate Oreos for lunch"
• "That guy came over and talked to me at the club"
• "Spent the day naked"
• "Went for a walk and really saw where I live"
• "Bought that shirt"
• "Finally shaved my chest, love it"
• "Went grocery shopping without a list and read no labels"
• "Asked him out to dinner, and he said yes"
• "Went to the tallest building downtown, spent hours looking out at the world"
• "Got a great mirror at Ikea"
• "Went to the gym just to look at the guys"
• "Started reading 'A New Earth' and ripped it up"
• "Looking at my dog and seeing nothing but pure unconditional love and devotion"
• "Actually looked in the mirror and saw a wonderful guy looking at me"
• "Made dinner for him"

There is so much going on in our lives that we tend to pass by the small stuff. This is still all about you. Keep looking, finding, discovering and collecting these daily moments, you're going to need everyone of them stored for where we're going next.  We're going to be doing some serious "Headcleaning". You'll need to make some room up there, a lot of good stuff is going to be happening. 

Okay, this is really important, don't ever stop looking for those happy moments. DON'T STOP LOOKING! Sometimes it's just something so small, a brief moment of happiness. This is a daily exercise, finding just one moment that makes you happy. Keep your eyes, your mind and your heart open. Don't miss that smile from someone. That one smile could be the best moment of your day, or maybe even your life. 

Michael

And sometimes you just need do what makes you happy - I'll be away from the computer for a week, no, not alone, so see you when we get back.

First Things First: ---- Michael's Daily Diary ---- You Deserve It!

When is doing nothing better than doing something? The last couple of days when Steven and I did nothing, all alone at my place for the weekend. No parties, no restaurants, no entertaining, just us.  Telephones, computers, television, even clocks and lights all turned off.  Music, candles, and us - turned on. There was a lot of "Unbelievable" this weekend. 

A year ago, I never thought I could feel Unbelievable even for a few minutes. Just go back over my older posts about my life in a nightmare. Today I am a totally different person.  My life is filled, my work, a terrific place to live, a great new look, my friends, and the love of my life, a guy who sees me for who I really am. I already told you, I feel wonderful and I find happiness every day.

What makes you happy? This is your jumping off point for this journey. You need to find something everyday that makes you happy.  I don't have your answer, the best I can do is tell you all the things that make me happy each day, and how I am always looking for more.  There's no ceiling on happiness.  You have to find something today - something new.

Forget about everything else, just allow yourself to take a moment today, you deserve it. What will make you happy?   Allow yourself to put everything else aside, The time frame doesn't matter, a moment, a minute, an hour, whatever, it's all yours. Start today and find something new. Do it, and then own it, keep it, it belongs to you. I'm going to keep saying this, you deserve to be happy. 

Your moments of happiness will fuel this journey. The more moments, the better it's going to be.  We're on the way "Wonderful" and then beyond. Find and live a happy moment today. It's all yours, own it.

And how about if we start sharing all these great moments? Email me!  I'd love that, but you'll have to excuse me right now. I'm off to one of the greatest places on earth. I own a park, and there's always something new waiting there for me, something that's going to make me happy. 

So, what are you doing to do today? Tell me!

Michael

First Things First: ---- Michael's Daily Diary ---- Smiling

We're picking up where we left off left last Friday, this time Steven is not on call for the next 3 days.  I'm really looking forward to spending the weekend alone with him. Really!  No plans, just each other.

In Monday's diary post I'll be right back to those seven steps, actually I'll be talking about this over the next several months, talking about me, Steven, you, and the road to "Unbelievable." 

Next week - get ready for some house-cleaning, head-cleaning and heart-cleaning.  And make sure you've got that mirror. By the way, this is you own private thing, so be sure your mirror is where you can shut a door, privacy is a must. Use the bathroom mirror or whatever - you'll be doing some serious talking, alone. 

See you on Monday, I'll be smiling and I hope you'll be too. Have a great weekend.

Michael

First Things First: ---- Michael's Daily Diary ---- Seven Steps

Welcome to Michael's Seven step program. Feeling wonderful? I use that word alot, purposely. I feel wonderful. I can look in the mirror and say it, I'm wonderful. People in my life see it, they think I'm wonderful too. Steven sees it, and I know it's a bias opinion, actually he always says I'm unbelievable. (Thanks sweetie). 

Seven Steps that are part of remarkable journey. I'm going to be talking alot about this in my diary. So, write these steps down, print this post, you need to own these seven words. Put them in your wallet, hang therm on the wall, stick then in your underwear, I don't care how you do it, just make sure you own them and have them with you.

1. Okay
2. Good
3. Great
4. Wonderful
5. Fantastic
6. Fabulous
7. Unbelievable

So how are you feeling today? More importantly, how are you feeling about yourself today? Walk over to a mirror. I'm serious about this, walk over to a mirror, stand there, look at yourself.   I am not talking about how your face or body looks, I'm talking about how you look inside, how your heart looks. How are you feeling about yourself?  If you can't see it, stand there a little longer, still don't see it, you will, just stick with me.

You're in front of the mirror, so now you're going to have to say it. You just can't think about it, you have to say it out loud. You have to say the words so you can hear it.  Feel it and say it, so choose your step today: "I'm okay" - " I'm Good" - "I'm Great" - "I'm Wonderful"- "I'm Fantastic - "I'm Fabulous" -  "I'm Unbelievable".

No matter where you are, no matter what step, we need you, I need you. If you're "Fabulous" or "Fantastic" we really need you, if you're "okay" or "good", get ready for the journey up.  If "okay" really doesn't feel right yet, you're still coming with us. And for those of us that feel "Wonderful", we're half way there.

In this program, on this journey, nothing really matters, except matters of the heart, your heart. And your heart matters to someone else who's out there. I know.

Michael

First Things First: ---- Michael's Daily Diary ---- Bragging?

Please allow me to brag about this guy next to me. He's fantastic, I love him with all of my heart and soul, and my poor tired baby just fell asleep.  We were going to spend all day together, but he had an emergency surgery case for most of the day.  Yet,he still came back here tonight, he still spent time with me, and like every other moment we're together, he made sure to tell me how much he loves me.

He's is so exhausted, we were just talking about his day and in mid sentence, his beautiful blue eyes slowly closed. He's so quietly sleeping and so very cute. If he wasn't so worn out, we would both be wearing each other out and then going to sleep. ( Did I do a good job of drawing that picture? )

I have to wake him in a hour, he's going back to the hospital. There's a family and a very critical patient, Steven will be there for them.

So ask me what makes him so special. Simple, he not only cares for his patents, he embraces them with compassion. Steven is part of a volunteer team of doctors traveling each year to countries were medical care barely exists.  He loves his work, it shows, and I know first hand how much his patients love him.  

When were alone he's not a doctor, he's this adorable sweet huggable guy. He's fun, easy going, passionate, and oh, this part is still so unbelievable, he is my honey and the love of my life. And guess what, he feels the same way about me.

Michael

First Things First: ---- Michael's Daily Diary ---- What's Important

I'm looking forward to the next two days. Steven is spending the weekend at my place and we have absolutely nothing planned except to be with each other. Life doesn't get much better than that.

Michael

First Things First: ---- Michael's Daily Diary ---- Sex, Love And More

Having sex, making love, or making love to someone you love. Three choices, and some of us are lucky enough to have experienced all three. This isn't a debate of which is better. For me, depending on the time in my life and the person, all three have been okay to great.

Having sex.  There's no need to even to talk about that one, if you haven't been there, then I highly recomend it as a good start.

Making love. It doesn't start or end with just having sex. It's not love, it's sex with more of everything you love. More romance, maybe some wine, candles and music. More time, more touching, more kissing, more of what you want, more of what he wants.

Making love to someone you love. This goes beyond the romance and sex. There is an excitement that tugs at your heart, maybe even sneaks into your heart. Making love to someone you love remains part of the storybook of your loves, your life.

And then there is the ultimate. Two people making love who are both in love with each other. To have someone in your life who walks into the room and lights up your soul or touches you and sets you on fire. There is an intensity that is far beyond passion, when you make love you both become one.

Steven, thank you for walking into my life, my heart and my soul. You are the most remarkable person I've ever met, and how wonderful it is to have you so in love with me. I've told you, now I'm telling the world, I am so very much in love with you too.

Michael

The Very Thought Of Him - October 3, 2008

The Very Thought Of Him - Gallery

First Things First: ---- Michael's Daily Diary ---- Stop Looking!

You've just lost something, and can't find it. You spend the whole morning and tear the house apart, still can't find it. Retrace your steps, nope, look in places that it could have never possibly be, sure why not. Give up, nope, keep looking, late for work, I don't care it's here somewhere. Obsessed, no not really, just not going to stop, I know it's here.  Go through everything, twice. Someone must have stole it. That's ridiculous, I'm the only here. Sit down, re-group. Must have left it somewhere.  Where was I? Okay that's even dumber than looking under the mattress.  Defeat is near. I'll just get a new one.  I can't do that. I love this one, I've had it one too long. Maybe I'll find it later. Yeah, right, okay, it's lost. Your late, time to leave, it's cool out, you put on your jacket, it's in the pocket.

Stop searching. Really, I mean that. The harder you look, the the more the search becomes an exercise in futility. He's not at the bar, the grocery store, or Bed, Bath and Beyond.  I don't mean don't look at that cute guy, a nice butt, or those beautiful eyes. I said stop searching, I didn't say stop breathing.

You need to get out, the love of your life won't be knocking at your door.  You need to get out for only one reason - for yourself. Go where you want, do what you want to do. Have a great time!  Find out what makes you happy. And then, whatever you're missing, whatever you're looking for, you'll soon find in your own heart. Your true happiness, your love waits to be found inside of you. And when you find it, when you make that wonderful discovery, someone else will too. Someone special. Trust me, I know, and so does he.

Michael

The Very Thought Of Him - October 1, 2008

The Very Thought Of Him - Gallery

First Things First: ---- Michael's Daily Diary ---- Busy

See you on Friday, busy tonight. :)

Michael

First Things First: ----- Michael's Daily Diary ----- I'M GOING TO BE AN AUTHOR!

My posts, and then all the emails, all the letters, and all the re-posts on other sites have connected. I'M GOING TO BE AN AUTHOR!  1000 Reasons To Leave Him is going to be a book. No, not all 1000 Reasons To Leave Him, their idea is 101 to 150, one of those 4.5" x 6" paperbacks. As it goes, one of my readers is an editor, and initially what I thought was a joke turned out to be more than real. Talks that spanded over two months.  We recently reached an agreement, all of my posted and unpublished text is in editing.  Negotiations allows me the rights to use those posts I published but gives the publisher the right of use along with everything not posted yet.

NOW -  the most important part - my financial decision - the proceeds will help other guys in the same situation.  That alone has made every word I wrote worth it.  And here's my next project, along with those readers who have offered to get involved -- A National Hot Line and Resource Center For Gay Abuse Victims.  I'll keep you informed.

My life is phenomenal. I'm so glad I got the hell out and away from that past jerk. There is nothing about him or that nightmare relationship that I care about. Nothing!

It's nine months later and welcome to my new life - feeling fantastic, new friends, a book deal and back to the work I love. I'm looking great, Steven loves my butt in my 32-32 Lucky's, I'm 163lbs.with short shaggy blond hair. I'm cute, I'm WONDERFUL! My life is balanced, I make time for me, Tai Chi in the park, I'm smiling all the time, I'm alive again! And best of all - I have an unbelievable guy in my life who has stolen my heart.  Someone pinch me! 

So stay with me, this is one fantastic trip I'm still going on and I want you to come along with me. If you're ready - great, if you're not quite there, then let me hold your hand.  Oh, I almost forgot, I have a few more secrets for you.

Michael

First Things First: ---- Michael's Daily Diary ---- One More Lesson

No matter how hard you try to live for the moment, for all the happy moments, the great moments, the past lessons of love try to push their way through. A warning in love from people over the years. People who decided that a move, an illness, or even just a few wrong words, were enough to stop loving you, to walk away, or to throw you out of their lives. For me, the lesson was vivid and recent. No matter how much I loved right at this moment, the fear, the possibility of another lost love was still very real.

During the next eight weeks, Steven and I talked every day, sometimes 2 or 3 times. He got on an airplane every other weekend. Friday nights were filled with anticipation, Sunday nights with heartache. For two months, Steven proved that love has no boundaries, and distance would not change how we felt about each other. Our relationship grew stronger; a few thousand miles made no difference, there was no distance in how much we loved each other.

We flew home together and I never let go of his hand. What happened between us the past two months was another first time in my life. And this lesson, this first time, we planned on lasting a lifetime.

Michael