Sometimes it seems like every single guy in the world is out there trying to find Mr. Right. (Not everyone, of course; some guys are perfectly happy to be single, and that’s a valid choice.) Frustrated by the search, some men hear advice like this when they complain to friends: “When you’re really ready, he’ll show up in your life.” So how do you know when you’re ready?
Here are some signs that you’re not ready for a relationship:
- You imagine that a relationship will raise your low self-esteem;
- You look to a relationship to give your life purpose that it now lacks;
- You have very few healthy, caring relationships of any sort now, and you figure a lover is a good place to start.
Becoming part of a couple doesn’t provide these things; instead, it requires them before you are ready to start the relationship.
You’re also not ready for a partner if you are overwhelmed by unfinished business – especially the business that comes from having recently broken up with someone else.
These rebound relationships are almost always a disaster. If you’ve recently left a relationship, the pull to find a new partner can be strong. Resist the urge. You’ve got work to do first to figure out what there was for you to learn and anything you might do differently next time. You’ve also got emotional work to do: grieving, working through sadness or anger, whatever. It’s as if the first guy has to finish moving out of your heart before there is space for anyone else to move in.