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So you’re on the prowl for a boyfriend, hunting for Mr. Right to potentially build a lasting and fulfilling relationship? You feel like you’ve got your head on straight, your life is in order, and you’re ready and available for love. Perfect!
The most important pre-requisite that’s needed before embarking out into the dating jungle is a solid sense of self, an understanding of your needs and values, and a psychological readiness and maturity for navigating through a variety of interpersonal situations and relationship issues.
You’re equipped, motivated, excited… so where in the world do you find those quality guys to get acquainted with?
As gay men, it can be a bit more challenging in our quest for potential dating partners since we’re not always easily recognizable, that is unless you’ve got a finely-tuned sense of “gaydar.” We don’t have a rubber stamp with the word “GAY” printed on our foreheads to cause us to stand out from the crowd, so knowing who it’s safe to approach can be made more difficult than our heterosexual counterparts face. But, it is not impossible, for as the saying goes: “We are everywhere!”This article will offer possible settings that will increase your chances for meeting other gay men, as well as to provide some practical tips for approaching these venues.
Continue reading "Gay Relationships: Boyfriend Hunting - Where The Men Are" »
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( continued from yesterday )
Self-doubt and self-criticism are at the root of much shyness. We have mistaken beliefs (“Everyone’s looking at me!”) that hold is back.These beliefs keep us from having the sort of meaningful, intimate relationships we want. A good first step is to notice the self-talk going on all the time between your ears. Recognize negative voices that give you critical, defeatist messages. Once you start to recognize them you’re no longer on autopilot. A thought is not the same thing as a reality....
You can begin to assert some control. A good place to start is simply by labeling the thought, perhaps saying to yourself, “That’s just a thought.” Avoid arguing with the voice in your head. And certainly don’t compound the problem by yelling at yourself! “I’m an idiot for having such negative thoughts!” is really just another negative thought.
Try paying special attention to thoughts that include words like always, never, should, etc. These are rarely true and often just cause us more anxiety. And look for other ridiculous thoughts. Everyone is not always looking at you, for instance.
Changing patterns requires patience and practice. Don’t criticize yourself. See if you can work up some self-encouragement instead.
Continue reading "Gay Relationships: Overcoming Shyness - Part Two" »
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